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lesley bruckshaw
Member - 1 post
i have a problem at the moment, my mother in law has worked for me for 9 years, for the past 3 years i have picked her up and taken her to work due to the fact her husband changed jobs.
i have booked a holiday for july and asked her to catch the bus to work for this one week, the bus stop is right outside her house, and i also sorted out the times etc to catch the bus. her husband picks her up after work so its only one way, when i asked her to do this she went crazy and said no, she would have the week off herself, i said cannot as dont have enough staff to cover her leave aswell, ended up having hugh row and she walked out saying was disowning me my husband and grandkids, the next day i was due to pick her up to bring her to work, i refused as she had said wanted nothing more to do with me, she has not been in work since, i have sent letter to her asking if she intends to return to work, all she sent me was a letter asking for her contract. now im stuck because by rights i should dismiss her from being abscent from work and not informing me, but worried she will take me to court. spoke to acas they said its up to her to get herself to work but could try to go to court as might seem like i had a contract to pick her up, is there a limit as to if she doesnt inform me and i do nothing i can assume she has left or must i sack her? please help im desperate, by the way we have had many runnings with her in the past not the first time.
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David Price
Member - 8 posts
Firstly you need to detach the personal side of things ie she is your Mother In Law, and concentrate on the Worker side of things, which she is as well.
I have no doubt that the reason you gave this woman a lift was because she is your Mother In Law, and you do not offer this service to everyone that works for you?
if so, then what was convient for you and her for the past 3 years is no longer convient to you. Could you not have arranged for a taxi to collect her and take her home as it is only for one week? That way you could have avioded all this stress, and the worry of being taken to an employment tribunal. I would say that this innocent lift has now become custom and practice, and through you not thinking long term as to the possible effects this could have in you or your business.
Why don't you simply talk to her letters are so informal and sometimes insulting, she is your Mother In Law after all, and the Grandmother of your children. Stop playing the big I am, and you must do what i say, kind of boss as that will get you knowhere fast.
If you really need her that much then you will have to accept that the lifts will have to continue if you are on holiday or off sick, if you don't why not simply get a temp in for the week concerned, and try and give your Mother In Law a date after your holiday when you can both sit down and sort out this mess.
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Michelle Briggs
Member - 3 posts
Hi David, I noticed you advised Lesley to 'detach the personal side of things...and concentrate on the worker side of things' but then go on to say that she is her Mother-in-Law and so should be more informal and not (I presume) follow the normal proceedures. Surely this is a contradiction?
I don't think Lesley is being unreasonable to ask her to catch the bus for one week one way, especially after having checked the times etc, it sounds to me like her Mother-in-Law needs to understand that Lesley is also her boss and needs to be treated as such.
I get lifts to work everyday with my boss (and friend) and when she can't take me for any reason I simply catch the train. If I stormed out of work in a similar situation I would fully expect to be disaplined if not sacked.
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David Price
Member - 8 posts
Michelle, I fully agree that you should be sacked if you acted in the manner you discribe, however your boss is not related to you and you may then feel as lesley does if she was.
Lesley only offered the lift because the person in question was her Mother In Law and she was her Daughter In Law, now it has gone wrong she want's to be the boss, neither you or I are aware of all the facts in this case, and as lesley previously mentioned she has has many run in's with her Mother In Law prior to this incident.
This is a case of personel life affecting work, and her Mother In Law perhaps thinking she will not be sacked because of who she is, and Lesley now trying to be her boss and not her daughter In Law as was perhaps their relationship before. This is just a case of two prople being stubborn as each other, and until one of them backs down, or takes action to resolve this, then they are stuck. It goes to prove never work employ friends or family as it is very hard to take action against someone you are close to.
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James Fairchild
Member - 171 posts
David, what a good last sentance above!! Any business etc between friends or family is fine until something goes wrong.
If this was my mother in law, I would definitely tell her to get the bus. If she didn't come in for this week, I would suggest that would be gross misconduct.
What you (Lesley) need to emphasise is that you are providing this lift in your capacity as co-worker and friend, NOT as some kind of contractual obligation.
I suppose if you really want to let this woman walk all over you you could pay for her a taxi, but there is nothing at all wrong with catching a bus, I certainly do it and I'm sure others on here do too.
As you haven't seen her since, do you have a clause in your contract stating that if there is no contact for X days you will assume resignation?
If not, I would suggest waiting a week then sending a letter saying that "the company accepts your resignation by conduct, please return all company property and we wll send your P45 by return" or similar.
Can you get another manager (or a secretary, any other person) to be in charge of correspondence with the mother in law?
Does your husband have an opinion over this?
As an aside, for any firms who have car-sharing (or where you know that staff give each other lifts) it is probably worth a clause in a contract stating that this is a private arrangement and has nothing whatsoever to do with the company (even if a manager is involved). The last thing we want is an employee being driven in a car-sharing mode to be involved in an accident and then trying to bring the company into that with duty of care etc.
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Mark Shuttleworth
Member - 37 posts
Sounds like Lesley's MIL is taking the lifts to work for granted and expects them because of who she is. Lesley, can you show that the lifts were a personal arrangement only? I don't know if it might help but did you arrive at work a little before your MIL's official start time, ie your start time? Is your car personal and not a company car? A positive answer to these would indicate a personal arrangement to me.
I don't know how big the company is Lesley but i agree with James can you get someone else to write the letters, or use an independent intermediary? It might be costly but it seems the only way you can now detach the personal from the business side, but do it quickly, you can't drag this out.
I have every sympathy with you on the personal level but the bottom line is that your mother in law refuses to come to work for no good reason. Unexplained or unsatisfactory non attendence is gross misconduct in my book and if she continues to stay away you will have to dismiss her as any other member of staff can then follow the precedent you set now.
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Bozena Benton
Member - 46 posts
Lesley - Years ago I certainly would have taken the stance (and did so on many occasion) that if an employee didn't turn up for work as in this case and made no contact they had resigned and sent them a letter (after an initial request asking them to explain their absence) accepting such - however, there is now case law that indicates that it is safer to treat this as gross misconduct and dismiss ensuring that you follow the statutory dismissal procedure at the least. If you don't follow the disciplinary procedure you may find a claim of unfair dismissal succeeding.
Having considered the arrangements you have made for her travel whilst you are away I think most tribunals will consider you have been fair (and don't forget that most panel members will have their own mothers-in-law).
The main question will be one of whether you followed a fair procedure.
I would also advocate that if possible you try and come to some kind of compromise with your mother-in-law - after all unlike most employers if you were to dismiss she'd still be in your life and unless both you and your husband are happy to sever all ties she'll be in your life for a while to come.
Having said that you may want to consider how good an employee she is and whether if she were not your Mother-in-law you would continue to employ her - how would you treat any onther memebr of your staff if this were to happen? If you've had previous run-ins with your mother you may feel that this is the time to draw things to a close and return your relationship to purely a personal one and only employ non-relatives
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